Eyes are the connection with others.
Voice, gestures, wardrobe, absolutely, but keep looking into the camera.
Eyes can only tell their story within a harmonious whole. Eyes adrift without background are a climax without a story, a focal point without a photograph.
You knew this in theory when you arrived. Then we brought it to life.
In the mirror, you saw how we could change the colour you wore and instantly, your face flattened and your skin looked floury. Change the colour back and your bones were magically sculpted and your skin looked moist with a natural blush. Having seen this effect, you’ll recognize it again on your own.
You saw that when colours are in harmony, they balance together by themselves. In your red, yellow, or green, you looked healthy, pretty, and graceful. We were reminded of the swan, the mermaid, and the ballerina. We didn't want the colours to be more or less. They performed alone and together.
A case for neutral frames
Eyeglasses, like makeup, are used in particular ways and have their own considerations. Makeup has to look like it is skin; clothing and jewelry sit on top.
> Place a physical barrier between us and others. Eyes are behind them, giving a sense of being further back. Attention goes to colour. If the frames are more colourful than the eyes, attention stops there. With a more neutral frame, attention continues beyond the glass to the colour reward of the eye.
> Plastic and metal are foreign substances on faces. We’re used to them and for this item, function beats looks, but dyes used to colour plastic can exceed human pigmentation for similar colours. A green or blue might overtake your human version of the colour and be distracting as glasses. Zoom recordings and webcams may unbalance colours even more. In textile, below the face, it might be fantastic.
> Shape compromises may be a trade-off. In small faces, wide or deep frames look like an insect or a child, speaking for myself, while smaller frames scale better but crowd the eyes. Adding colour might make eyes yet harder to reach.
> I’d be pleased if someone said, “I didn’t particularly notice she was wearing lipstick.” Same for highlights, glasses, or anything else I add. The compliment you do want is “You look great.”, over “I love your glasses.” Also good are “Those glasses suit you!” or "I didn't know you could look so good in glasses."
To keep us buying, fashion associates status with stuff. Social standing is like candy, a promise that delivers for a few short moments. In wanting to belong, we hand over our self-esteem to an external voice, one that's never happy for long.
As a psychologist, you had a term for it, Locus of Control. Being fascinated by the psychology of appearance, we had a lot to discuss. I've always believed that self-esteem should be derived internally. Since our meeting, I've thought about your point that we are best operating in both realms.
One day, here we are again, out-of-control-spending, a closet we never did control, back to the search for ourselves. Fashion was The Big Detour in my looks. PCA brought me back. I dislike jobs that don't stay done (why I don't cook as you may recall :) ), but I like mysteries and quests. I was happy to hear that you also find shopping fun. I'll send you links!
From now on, Maria, you’ll be buying the right stuff for the same money, stuff that will still be right five and 25 years from now. Look Your Normal is among the most read posts on Chrysalis. Relax, it's good to look like yourself. We're both deliberate and choosy about the voices and information we allow into our heads. I'm excited that you now have another choice.
The right Q
Excellent answers begin with excellent questions, if Google taught us anything. I practiced and eventually found a script.
I try on a necklace. I ask the salesperson or whoever is with me, “Are you looking at me or the necklace?”
Not, “Do you like this necklace?” or “What do you think?” Opinion must leave the building.
The person is churning now, looking for the trick, but there is none. With no obvious right, they speak their simple truth. If it’s the necklace, I put it back.
Also to be left at the store, invisible earrings. The Q here is, “Are these earrings distracting?” If she frowns, tips her head, circles around, leans forward, or hesitates, they’re probably pointless.
You're good at looking at yourself impartially. Ask yourself these same Q.
Show me what you mean
If you’ve been listening to the podcast series with my co-host Jorunn Hernes of Fargeporten in Norway, we’re presently discussing hair colour. Episode 14 was about Summer. Episode 15 (publishes Sept 15/20) is about Winter. In that one, we talk about neutral hair colour. It struck me that many hair colour concepts could apply to glasses. Both surround the eyes and are worn every day with everything.
Maria, I don’t want to talk to your glasses any more than your hair. I want to talk to you. You’re a Summer who has a love affair with blue. Go for the scarf. You crave purple sparkles, buy a bracelet. People will smile and engage and feel happy. Nothing, but nothing, should compete with your eyes for their attention. We talked about this a lot, the difference between the face being there and supporting eyes compared with disappearing and leaving the eyes behind.
Neutral frames will keep the attention on the colour, the eyes. Eyeshadow, same. I’m a fan of eye makeup and eyeglass frames in colours found in the hair. It looks settled and self-aware, especially in professional situations. It's not boring; it's connected. The dots join up for the other person without them having to work. Nobody wants more work or information to figure out. Give them the gift of making sense right away.
Pick the palette colours that are the closest to the natural hair tones (not the colours you think you see).
Lay the frames directly on your open palette. Works? I want to see the woman (the palette) who happens to look great with those glasses next to her colours.
Lay the frames on your hand. The aim is always the same: better together. Neither one at the expense of the other. Practice a little with two pairs at a time. It's good to try things away from our face, there's too much weirdness in our relationship with ourselves to only try them on our face.
Jorunn also reminded me of the great service at URSTYLE. A week back, I closed my Facebook and Instagram accounts, but kept Pinterest because I can deliver more value there. I foresee a lot of time with URSTYLE.
Image created with URSTYLE, here for item and shopping info.
Would have added beige brown if I’d found it. That’s what the adult hair colour often is, light ash brown, between 3 and 4 in the eyeshadow palette from the Light Summer cosmetic collection. Your eyes join the dots from eyeshadow to glasses. It feels easy, quick, and you don't have to think about it. Colour harmony at work, fruits of the same tree.
I wanted to add rimless but a) I didn't find the opacity slider till the set was published, and b) they're more of a shape question. Really good on Summers though, worth trying a few.
Thoughts on the 12 frames:
1: There’s no single right. Like hair colour, you decide how noticeable they are. Jewelry for the face can be fabulous, a night out, a holiday, or if you want them noticed. Not if you want you noticed though, meaning neutral might be better for an interview. If you go for the colour, keep in mind, the closer to the eyes, the closer to the Season. The blue is gorgeous for Light Summer, but being colour, plastic, and on the dark end of the Season, I'll be talking to glasses. Many of these eyes are turquoise and the violet tone here may be lovely or you may not like them together, again, as you prefer.
2: I love this colour, silvery taupe, barely pinkish, barely sunny.
3: They have a heavier impression. Possibly better for Soft Summer, but enough commonality with Light Summer. At the high end of darkness for most in this Season.
4: Shell pink with transparency. Like sheer lipstick, transparency reduces weight. The symbol of the ballerina returns, and the pink has enough beige to not be too candy. They seem a little vanishing in this collection, might be weak on a Light Summer face, are lighter (and probably warmer) than Light Summer pinks, and I see them better for Light Spring.
5: Very neutral, might be good with silver in hair. Darker sides can slenderize a face.
6: As colour approaches black and white and nothing else you can make out, the effect suits Winter better. These may have enough seagull-blue-gray to work well. As the brightest Summer, Winter effects can be good and the eye colour gorgeous. Try them just to see what happens.
7: Like 3 but lighter in colour and weight, I imagine I'd like them better. Avoid black unless it's hidden in hair.
8: The colour is like 6 but a little more milky and gentle, less steely. Gold that's not too yellow. And cute! When Summer welcomes a little Spring, friendly and funky enter the picture.
9: Also cute! Silvery and fine, when this person is happy, the parachute lifts off, despite their best Summer attempts to maintain composure. The colour adds by being there and for having distance from the eyes.
10: Nice. If you didn't see pink in #2, you do now. All relative.
11: Nice neutral. The bars are not black (look at 7), they're the darkest eyeshadow in the palette. You don't have to young to be cool.
12: Soft Autumn? They have an opacity and a thickness, but maybe that's just relative to the other frames. In an analysis situation, Light Summer and Soft Autumn are easy-easy to confuse, deciding between the light-softness of all Summers, the soft-lightness of this Autumn. It's OK to say, "I don't know. I'd have to see it."
What about shape though?
Season is about colour.
There are symbolic crossovers with shape and other energies, but your important shape information comes from line analysis, like colour analysis about your lines.
You can find Style and Image Analysts here at Chrysalis. I had an Align analysis with Florentina (email her, website currently in maintenance) and I have a gallery of frames. I open the window next to my shopping window and it's unbelievable easy. I know what shape to buy when those above are too big for my smallish face and narrow person. Does the result work? Darn right, it does.
A case for looking like yourself
When women tell me of previous appearance choices, I ask, “Why that choice?”
Often, they reply, “To try something different.”
Whether they thought about it or not, they looked more like the crowd.
Looking like the crowd is a contraction.
Looking like yourself is an expansion, filling out your own presence and purpose.
This extraordinary director, cast, film, and interview.
Great cinematography intends to not be noticed as camera angles and lights. You're deep into a story and when you stop and think, it's, “Wow, this looks really good.” Great makeup, same.
Villeneuve portrays real people. He doesn’t alter the women more than the men, part of why he’s so good at portraying women. Have you seen Arrival with Amy Adams? If communication interests you, don’t miss it.
By looking like themselves, we sense each distinct consciousness for the people in the interview.
The blue Dune eyes in the movie are not of this world, and that’s how they look when humans here wear them.
Would any of these folks improve their LinkedIn or eHarmony pictures with different hair colours?
Chalamet’s hair might be his, or might be intensified with dye, but the colour is with him, not apart. Zendaya’s eyeshadow is gorgeous because it could have been there by itself.
Wearing your colours brings others nearer to you. It informs them of more that is true and offers them more of you to trust, as you saw in the mirror when we asked, “Where is there more Maria?”
Jason Mamoa: “I felt beautiful.” Villeneuve sees whole people. The cast was chosen for what their true energy brought to the table.
You also felt beautiful when we saw Maria for who she is. That's all it is. Being seen and heard as our real selves, our whole person, and knowing that it's here we find the most respect among those we want in our lives, the voices we allow into our heads.
In a world where so few do, how you stand out is by being yourself.
Let's have tea and a catch-up visit in 3-4 months. Bring the things you buy! We'll have a great afternoon.