I think a lot about the nature of compliments. On a daily basis, I am told that â€œeveryone loves me in teal/apricot/whateverâ€, to the point that I donâ€™t listen anymore. When we looked at you in teal, it was only OK. Pineapple, the crust of freshly baked bread, and lagoon blue were magic.
Nobody is trying to deceive us. On the other hand, ask yourself if anyone you know could organize a correct mental image of what they look like, and what suits them, from feedback theyâ€™ve gotten from you.
In my case, the answer would be no. I admit it, I lie. Or I used to lie. I saw bleached hair and thought, â€œYou are no blonde but I see that you obviously did something and I feel like I have to commentâ€, and said, â€œLove your hairâ€.
Since we canâ€™t look at ourselves, much of what we believe about our appearance comes from what others tell us. Â Likewise, what they believe about their appearance comes from our reactions.
We get compliments for too many reasons, other than looking better.
A Winter might just be slinging compliments around to make up for the last time they made someone cry. Speaking only for myself, of course.
If itâ€™s coming from Mom, a compliment may mean â€œI love you no matter what you do to your hairâ€. Mom has no idea what we look like. She sees us at every age weâ€™ve ever been. She sees her face in ours and tries to put us in what sheâ€™s used to seeing herself in.
If a friend says something nice, could they be saying, â€œI know how long you thought about making this change and how scary it was. Iâ€™m proud of you for trying and I will always keep your feelings safe. I donâ€™t care what you look like, I will love you no matter what.â€ Beautiful, yes. Helpful in your quest to look your ultimate? No.
From an acquaintance, they may say, â€œLove your eyelinerâ€ and be thinking â€œSince the turquoise line is the only thing on your face I can see, I better say something; I canâ€™t remember if the hair color is new, but Iâ€™m sure about the turquoiseâ€.
The people in our lives often have some vested interest in keeping us looking like theyâ€™re accustomed to. If we change, they have to run an Upgrade of their idea of us. Well, they had other stuff planned to think about this week, and now youâ€™ve gone and messed it up. When you make yourself distinct and learn to celebrate your uniqueness, it puts pressure on them to become aware of their uniqueness. Everyoneâ€™s life stays easier when we all keep looking like one another, with toned-down appearances that all say the same thing.
Iâ€™m not sure that we can really see others, even when we want to. I often meet a man whose wife has been dressing him in HER perfect colors, before she ever knew what they were.
There is only one way to sort through the tangle. Your answers are always inside you, just waiting for you to ask the question and be ready to listen. Go back to the one thing about you that never changed. No matter what youâ€™ve lived or believed, what was done or said to you, the colours of your body never changed. They are now, and always will be, true to who you really are.
Personal Colour Analysis is the closest you will ever come to seeing yourself with complete emotional detachment. Just look in the mirror and see whatâ€™s there, like the first child who peered over the edge of a pond and saw her face. Look at yourself with the same neutrality that I have. I do not care if you were told you look good in teal. Doesnâ€™t matter to me that every item you own is for Bright Winter. Peel away all the layers of compliments and let yourself see what the body with your name on it looks like.
I appreciate that it feels uncomfortable to think about. Parallel parking was uncomfortable too, but you made yourself do it, and you learned. This is easier.
Music and color are languages we comprehend by hearing and sight. They are also an emotional expression that we understand by feeling. Theirs is a poetry that awakens the outer and inner beings, that stimulates a pattern of modules in the human brain.
I could tell you to believe in your own power. Yeah, heard it. When Nikki Yanofsky sings it, in the theme of the Vancouver Olympics 2010, your soul sings with her, in joy and invincibility. Step out of crowd. In my head, you are already everything you are in your heart.